Shadmans thoughts

It is hard to say good-bye but it is what I have done with the Bueschers. To keep pursuing them makes me still wanting Erin and I do not need her in any way. I know this that they do not hate me. They want the best for me and that means freedom from the bondage. To say I am As is the truth but I know being stuck on someone that does not have the same feeling for is also not good. I want something in my flesh that is not right and that is sin. I need to find Jesus to be safe inside his refuge and go on a adventure to places I have never been, I wish it were not the way it is but it is for God that I need to live and not for a gal 2000 miles away. I done it wrong and my sadness is on my heart but I have to want to get better and get on to where God wants, not what I want. So all who read this pray foer me not to go back and hurt more but to allow the hope on High to hide me forever and get me to heaven where it is going to be far better